It's a hard time of year. I'm in the middle of living through the one year anniversaries of the horrors of last year. It starts in late February. The tears, the feelings of such absolute loss, the longing for my honey's arms, to see her smiling eyes once more, the smell of her hair. She had so much living yet to do. But then life for her wasn't like life for us. Challenge after challenge. Hardship after hardship. The part that hurts the most is that my love for her just wasn't enough. I couldn't overcome the demons that chased her every day of her life. I couldn't chase away her fears. I couldn't protect her in the dark. At first I thought that God had made a really big mistake. That he should have taken me instead and let her laugh and smile and live just a little longer. How could He do something like this? But I have come to realize that for Debbie, it is a reward. She had suffered enough at the hands of man. It was time for her true protector to take charge. For the longest time, I mourned for Debbie's loss, that she wouldn't see any more flowers, no sunsets, no butterflies. But it finally came to me that she sees all of those things and more. Much much more. Things that I can't even comprehend yet. Even though she isn't here any more, she is all around me. She's everywhere I go, and everywhere I am. She lives in me, and she always will. I love you honey. I'll see you when I get home.